


I love you even if our dream is gone

by LouiseFox



Category: Fate: The Winx Saga (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Why Did I Write This?, this is so sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:28:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29838807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LouiseFox/pseuds/LouiseFox
Summary: TW: miscarriageThis is what happens when I turn my nightmares into fanfictions.
Relationships: Farah Dowling/Saul Silva
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	I love you even if our dream is gone

Saul saw in her beautiful dark brown eyes that she lost all hope, that she couldn't anymore. He didn't need the ability to read someone's emotions and feelings because he saw it and because she felt what he felt, and he felt what she did. They shared their pain and yet she was the one to take it on her shoulders the most.

No word needed to be said, he just saw it in the way she looked at him, the way her hands shook when she reached for him. The way she smiled even though her eyes were cold as ice.

They had shared too long each other's bed for him to not see it.

She suffered with every breath she took and still pulled herself together during the day, just because she wasn't the person to let others see how broken down she was.

But he knew it. And he tried his best to be with her, to give her the love she needed and deserved, even when she pushed everyone away to be alone in her world full of anger and sadness.

"Saul-" Her voice was broken. She didn't need to say it. He didn't want her to, he understood without any words coming from her lips. The room had been dark when he came in but not dark enough to hide what could be seen; the blood speaking more words than she could.

He tried not to look at it.

"Please-"

The specialist didn't want his fairy to beg. There was no reason in doing so. Slowly he made his way to where she sat on the bed, sobbing, and clutching the bedsheets in her fists.

He hated seeing her like this. And he would lie if he said he wasn't tired too. But in this moment he knew she was done fighting, she just couldn't anymore.

"It's okay Farah. I'm here." He held her gently while she buried her face in his chest, her whole body shaking violently from all this sadness, pain, and exhaustion. If he could take all she felt all alone, he would carry her pain, so she didn't need to. But he couldn't, no matter how much he wished for it.

It just wasn't right to see her this way. To see her crying as her dreams shattered and the darkness swallowed the little light of hope she still carried.

They have tried it so long now. It just was enough.

"I'm so sorry", the fairy cried, her hands grabbing his shirt hardly. "I'm sorry." She repeated her words all over again until she lost her voice and he found himself able again to speak.

Not that words were needed, because where he saw her pain she as well saw his.

"Please don't apologize Farah. It's not...it's not your fault." It wasn't and the thought of blaming her never even crossed his mind. It was just how it was, nothing more. But he knew this had been their last chance. There has never been much hope, but still he found himself wishing for it, praying that it would finally work.

She looked up to him, tearing falling down uncontrolled her cheeks. Saul knew she didn't believe him. In her eyes it was her own fault, her own failure. But it just wasn't, she tried her best and he knew that. He had seen her doing so for over twenty years.

Gently he made her sit up again. He knew she wouldn't be able to do more but to sit there and stare at the wall, so he made it his duty to clean up. She didn't need to see this mess any longer than necessary.

"Can you stand up Farah? Just for a short moment? I want to change the bedsheets."

The fairy looked at him with big eyes, as if she couldn't believe that he asked her to do so. Still she slowly got out of bed. Her legs didn't seem to support her.

But he caught her before she could fall, pulled her into his arms again. "I will hold you. It's okay Farah. I won't let you go." He knew how much this broke her, how tired she was and how much it hurt. Behind her facade she wasn't as strong as she pretended to be.

When they married, so long ago, he had promised her to be there no matter what. So he would care for her now because she has never needed it more before. It was easy to push his own feelings away from her if it meant she would feel better, if it helped her to heal.

The specialist couldn't help but to question if they could even heal again. If this would stop hurting at some point. This hope had carried them over the years, made them forget the truth because when they broke down they just had to wait until another little chance, just to repeat that once again.

Carefully he helped her to sit on the little couch that stood before the window, there he wrapped her in a blanket and kissed her forehead. "It'll be just a moment. Then I can hold you again."

Saul started to look for new bedsheets in a drawer, as if changing the blood-stained bed would take away reality. He hoped seeing their bed clean would take away all those feelings. But it didn't. How many times over the years did he do that already? Throw away once white sheets and with them the memory of another dying hope?

But he knew this time would be the last. He knew he would never have to do that again and Farah would never have to sit at that couch again, watching him as he made sure she would never have to see the blood again.

It was always the same. And when he was done with the bed he took clean cloths out of the closet for her and helped her step into the shower and wash away the blood that clinched to her.

"It'll be alright, I promise you", he whispered when the laid in bed again where she should have felt safe and protected instead of so sad. "Try to sleep my love."

But when she closed her eyes she saw what they couldn't have. She dreamed about a girl that looked like her or a boy that looked like him. About breakfast with their own family and nights when she was so tired from playing with them that she couldn't even change clothes anymore. About how she would try to calm them down when they were sad or hurt. But it was just a dream and that dream was gone now.

"I love you Saul", she managed to whisper, and he understood what she thought about, what stood behind those simple words.

She loved him no matter what.

She loved him through all this.

She loved him forever, even if their dream was gone.

"I love you too Farah. More than anything else.", he kissed her forehead. He knew she understood what he wanted to say but couldn't because it would cause him to break down if he did.

He loved her without blaming her.

He loved her and it was okay.

He loved her and he knew she tried hard for so many years.

Saul thought, maybe it was better this way. Their lives were hard enough, and they have gone through so much together, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Still it hurt.

And in the morning she would go on because she always did that, and he would go on because that's what she needed. He knew she was strong, stronger than the most, but she couldn't be without him. And if he weren't she would break down too.

So he waited until she slept. Then he could cry too, could weep, and mourn and curse life for how cruel it could be. And in his dreams he imagined Farah walking with a child on her hand, them laughing and playing. He imagined how he would do everything to keep them safe.

But that was finally gone now. They already tried too long and too many times their dream broke. It had been clear to them that this was the last time they would be able to try, their last little chance. And this chance was now just another blood-stained bedsheet.

Long ago he had stopped letting these little chances from getting too close to his heart. He didn't want to think about how he would feel if he had started to truly love all of them, to think about them as theirs. He didn't want to know how much it hurt. But he did because he saw it in Farah.

Slowly he had gotten out of bed and walked into the floor of their rooms where the sheets still laid because he couldn't find the time to throw them away while Farah still sat in their bedroom sobbing and gasping for air.

"I love you even if our dream is gone", he whispered as he picked up the sheets, now crying too. This time was different than the last. This was their last chance, the last light of their dream. And he allowed himself this last time to wish it would be different, to feel this feeling of empty love for a thing that was gone. For something that wasn't much more than a dream and a bedsheet covered in blood.


End file.
